Don’t Be Difficult to Help

By Eric Holmes

We all need help now and then, and knowing how to ask for it is vital. This post will detail a key strategy for making a request and offer insights into the power of incentives. The key is making it easy for the recipient to say, “Yes.” 

When asking for something, be it a letter of recommendation, shoelaces, or a stick of gum, employing one vital strategy can make all the difference. We all get asked for a lot on a regular basis, and knowing the proper etiquette for making a request and incentivizing people to honor a request is a vital skill. At the same time, this is a vital skill that our students all need to become familiar with, and who better than their instructors to guide them?

In their research on professional request emails, Park et al. (2021) found that requesters who make straightforward requests have more success than those who focus on background information or attempt to use “small talk” (p. 144) to ingratiate themselves with the recipient of the request. In short, the emphasis needs to be on the request, not the filler around the request. Clarity must be the focus.

On the surface, this seems like a simple proposition; you make a request and receive an answer. However, making a request requires full consideration of the person being asked, and audience analysis is vital. After all, asking someone for their time and effort means that they are choosing to sacrifice some other priority, and most people are at their limits as it is.

Never Provide A Reason to Say No

One of the long-standing time management strategies offered to overscheduled professionals is accepting that it is ok to say, “No,”especially if the request brings little to no return on investment for the person fulfilling it. As the one making a request, this is your largest hurdle. The initial strategy for any request isn’t about getting the other person to yes but rather avoiding giving an easy justification for that person saying, “No.” In short, don’t be difficult to help.

In teaching argumentation to my students, a key aspect that I instill in them is to focus on making the audience request easy to follow, and this same principle fits in the case of a professional request. For example, a key assignment in College Composition I here at Purdue Global requires students to craft a statement focused on problem solving. Students are directed to write for an audience facing a problem that they themselves have encountered and overcome and to offer advice on how the audience could emulate their example. However, if the advice offered is overly complex or resource dependent, the audience members are likely to walk away without even considering the advice and how they can employ it themselves. Simplicity and a focus on action are vital.

With this in mind, making a request requires a similar mindset. One effective tool to employ is the standard taught to journalism students concerning the six questions that news stories are expected to answer: who, what, when, where, how, and why.

Answering All the Right Questions

When making a request, your job is to offer full details, leaving no ambiguity. For example, if you are requesting a letter of recommendation for a specific opportunity, you need to include:

• Who the audience for the letter is (an individual, a company, etc.)
• What content the letter needs to contain (what you are applying for, what your fitting skills/accomplishments are, etc.)
• When the letter is due (the specific date)
• Where the letter needs to be sent to (email address, street address, online form, etc.)
• How the letter needs to be sent (mailed, emailed, etc.)
• Why that person is a good source for the letter (what that person can testify to in the letter)

Providing full information about the request gives the audience a complete view of what you need, making it much easier to get to yes. The point is to make the request easy to follow through on; failing to provide essential information requires more correspondence, more time, and more effort to fulfill the request, making it much easier for the person that you’ve asked for help to pass on giving you a hand. Getting someone to yes is about making things easy for them.

At the same time, ambiguity in a request can be taken the wrong way by the recipient. Pichonnaz et al. (2021) examined professional requests in a healthcare setting and found that poor form in making requests often not only leads to rejection but also creates more acrimonious work dynamics: “This tendency can be considered as impeding efficient communication and leaving tensions and disagreements implicit in interprofessional teams—therefore being obstacle to good collaboration” (pp. 1102-1103). In short, asking for something opaquely leads to rejection and makes for a bad working relationship.

At the same time, understanding what your audience covets is paramount, so offering an incentive to lend a hand may be in order.

The Power of Incentives Or: How I Learned to Incentivize Courtesy of Diet Coke

Early in my career, I interned at an aircraft manufacturer, working on technical documentation. In the process of creating a document, I found that I needed an image of a component. I contacted an engineer whom I was directed to make the request to and politely asked for the file, offering full details as to what I needed. I then sat back and awaited a prompt response…

A week later, after several follow-up emails and telephone calls to no avail, I decided to venture to the engineer’s cubicle (which was located in a neighboring town) and make the request in person. Upon arrival, I located his workspace to find it clearly in use but unoccupied. Uninterested in waiting, I turned to leave and noticed an overflowing trash can dedicated solely to cans of Diet Coke. Making a mental note, I planned to try again the following day.

The next day, I returned. However, before I made my approach, I walked past his cubicle to confirm his presence; he was there. I then headed over to the nearby vending machine, which, as I suspected, sold Diet Coke. I promptly deposited 60 cents, pressed the necessary button, and received my bounty.

Diet Coke in hand, I returned to the engineer’s desk, introduced myself, and reminded him of my request. Then, without speaking of it, I placed the Diet Coke atop the wall of his cubicle next to where I stood and removed my hand from it. He proceeded to take his eyes away from mine, looked at the Diet Coke beckoning to him, glanced at me, glanced back at the can, and then said, “Yeah, let me get that for you.”

We all need help now and then, and knowing how to ask for it matters. Providing all of the needed details goes a long way toward getting the audience to yes. Otherwise, two quarters and a dime may be all that it takes to get what you need.

References

Park, S., Jeon, J., & Shim, E. (2021). Exploring request emails in English for business purposes: A move analysis. English for Specific Purposes, 63, 137–150. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.esp.2021.03.006

Pichonnaz, D., Staffoni, L., Greppin-Bécherraz, C., Menia-Knutti, I., & Schoeb, V. (2021). “You should maybe work together a little bit”: Formulating requests in interprofessional interactions. Qualitative Health Research, 31(6), 1094-1104. https://doi.org/10.1177/1049732321991508